don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
