How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
