I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize