My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
