chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
