my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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