this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
