I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize