my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
