Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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