Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
