This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
