I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
