Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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