Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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