Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
