You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
