i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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