I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
