I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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