there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
