Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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