I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
