I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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