I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
