Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
