You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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