He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
