Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
