I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
