I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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