Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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