Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
