you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to make out with him forever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
