and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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