god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
