hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Be still, my beating vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
