the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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