i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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