Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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