apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
