I got chris browned last night
Fuck appropriateness.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
