I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
