It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
