I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
