Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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