Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
