Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just pee around me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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