I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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