We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
