she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
