I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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