I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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