It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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