it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
