i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
