Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
