I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
