Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
