I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
