she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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