Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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