I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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