on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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