My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
