wanna go halves on a baby?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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