What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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