guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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