The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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